


memory lane

by rujakcuka



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, Drinking, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-10
Updated: 2019-11-10
Packaged: 2021-01-27 02:49:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 906
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21384841
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rujakcuka/pseuds/rujakcuka
Summary: Everything never stays the same. Mikasa acknowledges that. (Except one thing, probably.)
Relationships: Mikasa Ackerman/Eren Yeager
Comments: 6
Kudos: 58





	memory lane

**Author's Note:**

> contains spoiler if you haven't read chapter 123.

Everything never stays the same.

Mikasa acknowledges that.

Her old family doesn’t stay the same. Her new family doesn’t. Her life journey doesn’t. Her power doesn’t. Her squad mates don’t. Armin doesn’t.

Eren also doesn’t, she thinks.

So she cannot help but being surprised at how Eren lets out the question—“What am I to you?”—with tears already dried up on his cheeks. The trace is still visible on his eyes. Her mind goes blurry and she immediately is taken back into her own memory, with Eren being angry and vengeful and—

“... Huh?”

She cannot think straight as her head nearly gets nauseous from the sudden impact and the blood on her cheeks running wild. The heart inside her rib cage beats louder and faster than necessary. Eren’s sorrowful eyes make her feel bare. It feels different from the other emotions he usually let out.

Based on what Mikasa knows from the books and people’s stories, what she has been feeling since the beginning is normal. She acknowledges it.

But this is Eren and he’s always her precious person and nothing can change that.

Nothing.

The word _family_ keeps screaming from the back of her mind to tell her that, despite her feeling, Eren is indeed her only remaining family member. It’s like enchantment that she practices on daily basis without actually letting it escape from her mouth.

Eren’s question startles her because _why would he ask something that’s already obvious?_

So Mikasa blurts out her powerful enchantment in front of him, “You’re... family.”

Her eyes read his mouth and she knows he wants to respond to her answer, but for the first time, she doesn’t know what it is. Eren was always annoyed by her overprotective—familial, she would say—behavior in the past; many things have changed, so Mikasa can only guess.

Truthfully, Mikasa is a little scared that her feeling will show up in her grey eyes, facing Eren directly. Therefore, when the refugee interrupts them to offer some alcohol, she exhales a relief subconsciously. For a moment, she knows Eren notices, but pretends as if she doesn’t.

“Perfect timing,” says Eren. Mikasa wonders whether it is sarcasm or Eren feels the very same relief as she does.

When they enter the refugee’s tent and their friends join them later, Eren’s the first to accept the offer. He empties his first glass without any hint of hesitation. The next thing Mikasa knows, the tent is crowded as more people join in and the smell of alcohol fills the air. Mostly everyone’s faces are flushed and their feet are tall grass blown by the wind.

Only mostly, because Eren’s face and feet aren’t.

His high alcohol tolerance always impresses everyone, but as Mikasa’s mind begins scattering at so many places, she thinks four years are long. It’s so long that Eren now becomes physically superior to her, who’s now struggling to keep herself awake.

Look, Eren’s even pouring himself his umpteenth glass while looking completely sober.

“Eren,” calls Mikasa, and Eren really stops his alcohol pouring midway. She supports her weight with her two hands because she’s too dizzy to sit in a correct posture. “Stop. Even if you’re still sober, you’re going to upset your sto—ugh—“

Mikasa’s left hand slips and she’s facing the hard ground. She anticipates the burning sensation that will come along with the pain later on her face.

But it never comes.

Eren already holds both her shoulders.

He sighs and Mikasa looks at him. “Be careful,” he warns calmly. She stares in awe because the old Eren would scold her endlessly while looking angry, just like she would always do the same to him. The palms on her shoulders are awfully wide and calloused against the fabric of her shirt. These are not a boy’s hands.

She hasn’t even reached twenty yet, but she guesses that she needs to be reminded of things sometimes.

Mikasa exhales. Too many things happened with Eren and her mind cannot handle them, let alone while being drunk. The black-haired woman apologizes briefly, “I’m sorry.”

“You’re too drunk,” he mutters and begins to tidy the area near them. “Just lay down.”

So she does.

The next morning, when she opens her eyes, Mikasa finds Eren sleeping beside her. It blooms a nostalgic feeling and her mind brings her to their childhood when they would wake up together like every other siblings and later prepare to eat breakfast.

They aren’t children anymore; the feeling she gets isn’t exactly the same as nostalgia.

Mikasa realizes that she’s the first to wake up. She’s going to wake Eren up when he opens his eyelids. Their eyes meet so many times after that—even on their way back to the Azumabito residence—and like always, but louder, Mikasa thinks, _this is your brother, don’t be silly._

Of course she requires having herself reminded. When they hadn’t reached eighteen yet, every time Eren caught Mikasa looking at him, he would always ask this question with annoyance and, sometimes, embarrassment: _why are you staring at me?!_ Or, at least, he would frown.

But now Eren doesn’t ask that, nor does he frown. He only stares back with unreadable expression. Mikasa wants to think that that’s unreadable because it’s always bad to assume about things and it’s Eren.

Later on that day, Eren doesn’t even look at her when he leaves.

That only part always stays the same.

**Author's Note:**

> i wrote this impulsively so don't hesitate


End file.
